Meet Jim. Jim’s apretty cool guy once you get to know him, but he’s shy and slow to warm up.He’s focused so much on his school and professional life that he let his socialside wither away. This didn’t particularly bother him because he had his small,close-knit group of friends all through school. He was happy then, but onceeveryone graduated and scattered to different cities, he felt lonely. “What doI do?” wondered Jim, “I’ve known these guys all my life and it’s been so longsince I’ve tried to make a new friend that I’ve all but forgotten how!”
Have you ever found yourself in a situation like Jim? It’s not uncommonto be in his situation, especially when you’ve moved to a new city, or want to try a new hobby! Let’s face it, making friends can appear to be intimidating,but it doesn’t have to be! It can be easy and fun if you know what you’redoing! There are a few things that can lead you astray when meeting new people,but be cool – I’ll be happy to lead you every step of the way!
“Blessed are they who have the gift of making friends, for it is one of God’s best gifts. It involves many things, but above all, the power of going out of one’s self, and appreciating whatever is noble and loving in another.” – Thomas Hughes
Back to Jim: he decided that making a friend would be easiest if hejoined a club, so he chose the chess club. He did pretty well there, as he wasan accomplished chess player. He easily connected with the guys in the club;they spoke about chess to no end! But when it came to inviting them to do stuffoutside of chess, they didn’t seem as interested. It didn’t make sense to him –if you get along in the club, why not just hang out outside of the club? WhatJim had inadvertently made was a group of activity partners.
Maybe you’re only looking to make an activity partner, that’s cool. ATennis buddy, perhaps? You got it! How about someone to talk about making newfriends with? You have that go-to buddy. Maybe you would prefer a friend foroverall activities, just like Jim was, to hang out with all the time – a broadfriendship, perhaps?
Often, people will tell you to take an interest in the would-be friend, keep asking questions and be non-judgmental of anything they say. Most of that is good, but it’s definitely not enough. Have you ever tried that approach? It works a minority of the time, and often comes off as awkward! I tried it once before and the situation played out something like this:
P: Hey, how are you?
Them: Good, you?
P: Great! What’re you up to?
Them: Not much, just doing ____
P: Oh, cool. Do that often?
Them: Yeah, sometimes. OR No, not really.
P: Nice. Do you have any hobbies?
Them: Not really.
You get the idea, and I’m sure you’ve been there before. It’s boring, It’s flat, and worst of all it’s setting up the relationship to be boring. You’re like a bad newspaper reporter asking personal questions. Let’s flip this around: Have you ever had an interaction like this? You feel almost as if the person is desperate to be friends with you. Some might say it’d be nice for someone to be desperate to befriend them, but that’s not a friend you’d be gaining, it’s a worshiper. Trust me, that gets out of hand much too quickly.
How to Make Friends:
- How to Make Friends: What Kind of Friend Do You Want? - The first step to making a friend is deciding what kind of friend you would like
- Join a club, class, or frequent particular places
- How to Find Friends – Find a friend
- How to Start a Conversation With a Stranger – Start a conversation with them
- Invite them to do something
- Become best friends
More on How to Make Friends:
- How to Make New Friends - Feel like you have trouble finding that new friend that would suit you perfectly?
- How to meet people
- How to make friends at work
- How to make friends in a new city
- How to get an activity partner
What you need is a real interaction between two people! You need connection! Rapport! Camaraderie! The first question you need to ask is: What kind of friend are you looking for?
If you want to learn how to meet find friends or how to be more social, forget what people have told you about making friends, and follow me for the real answers. You’ll be amazed at how simple it is.
Thanks for reading my post on how to make friends.