Can you remember a time where you felt like you had to act a certain way in order to get a girl to like you?
Imagine what it would feel like if one day that girl you really like was completely attracted to you for who you are. How wonderful life would be if you could just comfortably be yourself and start getting the positive attention you crave.
We can all admit at one point or another we have felt the urge to act a certain way in order to gain the approval of someone else. This is called approval seeking. Whether it be a friend, parent, boss or even that really cute girl you like we have all at some point changed something about who we are to change how other people will perceive us. You will notice that not everyone does this though. At some point or another some people will drop this habit and others will keep on struggling with it. Some people just happen to learn how to live in ways that eliminate the need for seeking approval. It took me quite some time before I had any idea what approval seeking even was and before long I stumbled upon the perfect solution for those of us who continue to live with approval seeking behavior.
The amazing thing about people is that they have an incredible ability to change in positive ways when they receive useful feedback. Unfortunately no one teaches us how to find this useful feedback and it is often impossible to find unless you are already looking for it. I am going to help you determine if you are a victim of approval addiction and what you can do to achieve total freedom over its hold.
You are here because you want more out of your dating life. You want to feel confident and attractive. You want to people to like you for who you are and I am going to show you how.
Signs of Approval Addiction:
- Do you find yourself always trying to please people?
- Do you avoid saying “no” because of what other people may think of you?
- Do you hesitate to share your opinion or even become agreeable to avoid conflict with others?
- Do you depend on others’ approval to determine your worth?
- Do you ever act a certain way or do things you normally wouldn’t to impress others?
- Do you ever make excuses or apologize about things to make yourself look better?
- Do you avoid being yourself so people will see you a certain way?
- Do you ever feel self conscious or worry about what to say?
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If you noticed any of the above being true for you then you may be a victim of approval addiction. I noticed I really used to avoid conflicts by either being very diplomatic or just becoming agreeable. I would always look for the best ways to do something and try to hide my perceived flaws. For each person it may be a little different so the above bullet list is a great help.
I truly believe that my approval seeking behavior was one of the largest factors holding me back from having the life I had always wanted. Getting past approval addiction is the first step towards living a more satisfying life while be genuinely you. After I took this step I noticed that I had always felt desperate to date someone and was always so disappointed when things did not work out. Learning how to stop seeking approval not only removed my need to rely on someone else it helped me realize how wanting it so bad was stopping me from having it. Only when I found out I didn’t really need the relationships I had craved for so long did it really allow them to start forming effortlessly with positive results. Now here’s how you can stop seeking approval from other people.
How to Stop Approval Seeking Behavior:
- Move from an external locus of control to internal locus of control.
- Become aware of whether or not rewards come from yourself or from your outside world.
- Find out what you really like to do, instead of doing what you think others would like you to do.
- Find out where you are headed in life. Focus on achieving the life you want.
- Put yourself first from time to time. Don’t focus on pleasing other people if it is not your responsibility. Enjoy yourself and tend to your needs first.
- Live to enjoy everything you do without caring what people think.
- Find new hobbies and activities you love.
- Learn how to dance and not care if anyone is watching.
- Learn how to sing and not care if anyone is listening.
- Take it easy, relax and take time to reduce stress.
- Try expressing yourself more.
- Seek to add value and positivity rather than trying to receive it.
- Become genuinely curious about things that interest you.
I found that when I created rewards for myself and began striving to enjoy every experience I have not only did my life improve but so did the quality of my interactions with people and the relationships we would form. A few things that worked well for me were being able to go out to a club with friends and dance because I enjoyed the music instead of to try and fit into the crowd. It is ridiculous how many people you will notice dance so awkwardly and don’t even seem to enjoy going out but do it anyways because they or their friends think it’s the normal thing to do. Start doing what you enjoy or at the very least start enjoying what you do. You will be amazed at how powerful this can be and how liberated you will feel.
Most simply put seeking approval behavior is a result of lacking reward in life. We tend to get rewards from other people’s approval and if we rely on it and don’t get when we need it we are left craving it even more. When you can become your source of reward and enjoyment of life to relying on yourself instead of others you will fully understand and experience freedom from approval seeking behavior.
I hope you enjoyed this post about approval addiction.
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